Today I changed my sheets on my bed. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but a few months ago I spent my discretionary money for new sheets. The 600 count ones that feel like silk. I sink into them like melted butter and fall fast asleep.
This would not be such a big deal if I expected to have such comfort. But since I have had my share of 200 count sheets, scratchy wool blankets or no mattress at all it is a real treat.
All my life I have been between poverty and the expectation of abundance. At times I have been so out of resources as to be sleeping in a tent on the side of the freeway. But, with always a since that there was something better I should have had.
I look back on the thunderstorm that drenched the tent forcing us out into the rain and the days wondering where I would be the next minute as a learning experience. Which, of course, it was, but did I need to learn to enjoy 600 count sheets by not having them? Maybe, I don’t know. But very often the lack didn’t let me enjoy the things I have at the time.
The since of expectation of abundance also made me envious of others that had more and ashamed of what I did have. This is a terrible predicament--half way in between and not happy with either.
But today I love my 600 count sheets, my garden that is makeshift chicken house of old fencing and used 2X4’s, and old wooden ladders painted bright orange, blue and purple and my house with the leaky roof, my dog that got fleas, my chickens that are not laying and that are sneezing, my trees that are dropping leaves all over the place and the beautiful pink fall flowers that are blooming in my bedroom doorway!
I barely can pay the price for this home, but while I have it I will enjoy the smell of the night blooming Jasmine, the sweet fragrance of the orange blossoms and the colors of the 40 roses that are scattered around my garden, the feel of the grass, and the smell of the rain. For today I will slip into my 600 count sheets and melt away to rest and dream of all the sweetness in my life right now, and let all the envy and contempt for not having, not doing, not living another life leave my soul.
I should have done this all along.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Today I was looking for something. I went into the linen closet and looked on the shelf I thought it may be but it wasn’t. I went through everything looking for it but it wasn’t anywhere on that shelf but I did notice that this wood shelf did not have any shelf paper on it. Wood discolors fabric if left touching so I pulled everything off this shelf and put shelf paper on it. The other shelves did not have shelf paper on them either so I choose to do those shelves too. Everything went flying out the door of the linen closet onto the floor, neatly of course so I could put it back when I was done. Now, I had all that stuff from 5 shelves on the floor. There were two more shelves way at the top and I had enough shelf paper to do them too, but I had a big enough mess with the ones I had already done so, I went to get a cup of coffee. What I wanted was not on any of those shelves either. I had decided while getting the coffee to just do the other two shelves anyway. So, I went back to the closet and set the coffee on the counter by the door where I could get it and went about getting the stuff off those two shelves. A cute little mouse had made quite a mess all over those blankets! I was glad I was getting that cleaned up. I would need to wash those extra blankets though. As I turned around to get down off the ladder turned to get the coffee, hit the edge of the counter and off went the coffee all over the linen on the floor! I had coffee everywhere! All over the rugs, all over the blankets, all over the counter, all over the floor, everywhere. I just sat down and looked at the mess I had made. Now I would need to wash everything in that linen closet! So, I cleaned up the coffee, put all the stuff in a laundry basket and went into the kitchen to make another cup of coffee. It was going to be a long day. I still hadn’t found what I was looking for. What was it anyway? Oh, I will think of it later. It is definitely NOT in that linen closet though.